There’s a book called Seven Choices for Success and
Significance by Dr. Nido R. Qubein.
In this book he defines success as secular and significance as
spiritual. He says, “Success focuses
on three Fs: fans, fame, and
fortune. It focuses on tasks and
goals. Significance also focuses on
three Fs: faith, family and
friends. Significance focuses on
purpose: Why am I here? What do I do with the talents, experiences
and skills that I have? How can I make
the world a better place? How do I plant
seeds of greatness in the lives of those around me? How do I make an impact in the circles of
influence where I find or place myself?”
With that in mind he says we can choose success (temporal)
and significance (spiritual). To choose
both we must be a strategic thinker and must do the following things:
1. Have a
clear vision of what we want to accomplish.
2. Develop a solid strategy that answers three
questions: Who or what am I today? Who do I want to become? How do I get there?
3. Employ practical systems to achieve the goals
4. Commit to consistent execution because in
consistency, success emerges. This is
one that the Prophet Alma, in the Book
of Mormon, has taught: “By small and simple things are great things brought to
pass.”
Dr. Qubein then tells us how to implement our strategic plan
for success with his three Ds:
Decide
what you want to achieve
Determine
the first step to getting what you want
Do
the first thing that will start you moving toward your goal.
I think Buddy illustrated these principles in his life. He
committed two years of his life to serving an honorable mission for the Savior,
Jesus Christ. He wanted a loving wife,
who lives the gospel and would marry him for time and all eternity. They found each other. He wanted to be able to provide for a family. So he worked multiple jobs while going to
school, which would enable him to provide for them. He trusted in the Lord and willingly served
in positions in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in whatever
capacity he was asked. He spent as much
time as he could with his growing family and cried over them, with them, and
rejoiced at the great blessing they are in his life. He loved to tell the stories of their daily
lives. He was pleased and laughed freely at the things they did. This is how we knew he had joy. They are the jewels in his crown
and he is proud of each of them and wants them to rise from the ashes of the
refiner’s fire to achieve all the Father has to offer each of them.
As the patriarch of his family he influences
them even now, encourages them, laughs with them, feels their sorrow, but he sees the
entire picture now, from where he is. He
holds them dear and knows they will make a significant difference in the lives
of many because they will focus on their faith in being together forever because
of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and promises made to each of us by that sacrifice. Our
very existence is based on becoming a together forever family and lifting our friends
by sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ with them so they can live again with our Father in
Heaven and Jesus Christ and have their families forever through covenants they make in the temple.
Mortality is a drop in the bucket of eternity. Success is part of our temporal sphere. Buddy was a success because he chose those
things that bring temporal happiness to all those with whom he associated. He achieved spiritual significance because of
the choices he made to seek eternal life through obedience to the laws of God
and through the covenants and promises he made in the temple. He put on the whole armor of God and marched
through life fearlessly. He did this with humility--not wanting to bring attention to himself. On his Buddy Run Shirt Heather described three characteristics of him: Perseverance, Determination, and Humility. The first letter of each word is PH.D. He never received a PH.D from a university, but those three characteristics are greater than any degree that can be conferred by a university. The crown of
glory reserved for him will be one he will wear with pride when it is bestowed upon him. That crown will be his family. He was asked to leave them here for a greater purpose, that we have not been privileged to see. I wish every hour we could know why he had to be snatched from us. I guess each of us will wonder that all of our lives.
I heard him preach the gospel to a man when
we picked him up from his mission. Buddy spoke with sincerity and with conviction and the truth always is felt by the
spirit within us. I felt great joy in seeing the change from boy to manhood that his mission brought to him. He was serious about what he had committed to do in those two years. I knew he would continue on the path we started him on and he would bring great joy into our lives continually.
I speak now as a mother
who has lost a son in this life. I know
the pain of Mary, the mother of Jesus, as she watched her son killed by those
who did not feel the love, the hope, and promise our Lord offered to them. I know the depths of despair and hurt that
reached to the core of her being. She
endured all that was asked of her in this life and so I am determined to do as
generations upon generations of mothers have done before me, for I am not alone
in belonging to the club of mothers who have buried their adult children. I did not bury an infant or young child. But the pain is acute regardless of the
age. A mother loves with her whole being. The love a woman feels for the father of her children is not measurable by man. But the love for the child they bring forth together is significantly multiplied. It is spiritual in all ways. This is one reason we are taught to not take procreation lightly, that the power to procreate is sacred and should be guarded and only used within the bonds of marriage. Having children in our lives is the greatest gift we are given in this life. It is significant. So when a child is lost to death prematurely, the father and mother lose a significant part of themselves. Because we lose them, a part of us is taken with them and we yearn to have them back so we can feel whole again.
Would I resign my role in life as wife and mother so I would never feel this pain?
Never. Buddy was a gift to us. He was only ours for a short while. Each child is loaned to us to teach us to
love, to learn how to nurture, to learn joy, to train up in the way they should
go, to teach us sorrow, faith, hope, etc. and to give all of ourselves to them. It will never be enough time as long as we
are mortal.
This is not a blog of sorrow, but will be one for sharing the journey of healing. We cannot dwell on all the things
we will not get to do with our son, husband, father, and brother. Nor can those who read this. We must
begin each day focused on significance.
For Heather she is here to raise her children and she has a great talent
for rearing strong children. They are kind, smart, talented, and obedient. I have seen
her plant the seeds of greatness in each of their lives with infinite love and patience. She has great joy and rejoicing in her posterity and that will grow as they grow and add others to our family. She helps them realize their dreams and never discourages them from trying new things so they come to know where their talents are. I hope she will come to realize she can do
all that is asked of her. She has been prepared to move
forward in her life. I have seen phenomenal growth in her in the time we have been able to call her daughter. From girlhood to womanhood, she has grown into a person committed to significance within her sphere. We love the woman she is and look forward to seeing the final product one day as she stands next to her beloved and brings each of their children to stand in the unbroken chain that is our eternal family.
No one else is responsible for
our success or our joy. We must search
for it ourselves. We must “live life
from the inside out.” Significance,
which is our ultimate goal, comes from the things we do for ourselves to
strengthen us so we can move forward. They seem so simple: we feed our spirit through prayer and scripture study and by renewing our baptismal covenant each week by partaking of the sacrament and participating in gospel discussions. Regular temple attendance will bring us closer to those we have "lost." They are not really lost, but just not visible to us. We feed our physical body with the things that will make us strong enough to face the challenges that lie ahead and we exercise regularly so we will not be weary. These are simple things, but as Alma taught, "By small and simple things are great things brought to pass."
Today is another day to become significant in the lives of those we
meet. We will always mourn for the ones we have lost. But we must live here and earn our crown of glory. I am eternally grateful for my son. I have struggled with knowing how to move forward. I know that writing of my joy is the best way to do that. Share with me how you have healed. Together we can find joy to sustain us until we are reunited with all those we love who have passed through the veil.